So I got this message from the devil...

The devil sent me an email yesterday. Here's what he had to say:

Dear Scott Sackville,

This is an inquiry regarding the status of our deal's payment. To re-stipulate: In return for marital bliss, being surrounded by friends and family, vague professional success and some small taste in regards to music, I was to receive your firstborn child. While I have obviously come across on my side of the bargain, this note is a simple inquiry in regards to the progress being made on the aforementioned payment.

Please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime with an update.

Always at your service,

The Devil

I wasn't quite sure how to respond. My wife is in fact pregnant with our first child. So it's not like I couldn't make the payment. But still, I have to say I didn't see it coming. I don't even remember making a deal like this. But this is the Devil we're talking about, and you don't just scoff in the face of a demand for payment like this.

I didn't. I responded.

Dear Mr. Devil:

I appreciate your inquiry regarding our arrangement. Unfortunately, I have to report that the "marital bliss" portion of the contract was in fact not fulfilled. After repeated attempts to contact your organization, accompanied by frequent invocations of the names of certain of your competitors, we were forced to select an alternate provider. We went with Pfizer, and have been happy with their Zoloft product ever since.

In accordance with the default clause in the contract, we will be remitting to you, in lieu of our first-born child, a 1979 Volkswagen Scirrocco (in near-mint condition), a wooden paddle-ball game (ball missing), and $300 in Monopoly money.

Ss.